stories...

So my bible study group is doing Andy Stanley's study "Your Move" and I've honestly been struggling through it. He asks questions (4 specifically) that make you bring up your past and find yourself at a crossroads...which don't get me wrong I think its healthy to evaluate motives and places you've been and things you have done in your life....BUT in the midst of a life crisis I'm not so keen on hearing "One day this will just be a story you tell."

sigh....

although I agree with what he's trying to bring about...to start making decisions that are God-honoring and that bring Him glory at the end of the day so that your life is a reflection of His love and not self-gain. I do want this and I will be the first to admit that it doesn't always happen. I try and fail everyday. I need His grace EVERY day....

The second question he asks in the study, is "what is your story?" He questions if you're being completely honest with yourself (1st question) in the story of your life? We discussed the story of Joseph in Genesis 39 and how he chose NOT to play the victim in his life's path, even though he was wronged and tempted a great deal he stood out for God and what was right. I play the victim sooo much in my life.

Andy stresses to be careful that the decisions you make in your life don't make you a liar for the rest of your life. In other words, no regrets for the good and the bad. The story you tell: write it and live it well.

My story seems to be changing every day. 2 years ago I would never have put myself here. Single and broken-hearted. Heavily in debt. Still living at home. Working the same thank-less desk job with no promise of promotion in sight....sigh.

This is not the story I wish to tell. I need to count my blessings...especially this time of year when there's so many who have far less than I do. I am thankful for a roof over my head and a place to sleep and warm clothes and a car that works and a job that gives me money to get out of debt and save a little. I am thankful for friends who've become my rock in a time where I never knew I would need them so much. And as much as it hurts I'm thankful for those who aren't so present in my life anymore, for their stories and for the love they showed me and the sacrifices they've made. I'm mostly thankful for the promise that I'm not alone in this. As I suffer I know He has suffered just the same. There's comfort knowing you're not alone.

"So when it hurts, when times get hard...
Don't forget who's child you are." ~Addison Road

July brings Faded glory..

I saw Eclipse last night. It's now my favorite of the 3 movies out. This movie and these books make me nostalgic for my TYA summers and living back at the 501. Being on my own and independent...which is hard to feel even though I am 23 years old, but still living at home.

I struggled a lot this year, especially through the winter to just be OK with where I'm at. still not there yet... I had a lot of things to take care of this past year I think before I could even think about picking up and moving somewhere... but now it's all I ever think of when I wake up in the morning or go to sleep at night.

This morning I had a song from the now Broadway show Next to Normal stuck in my head. It pretty much sums up where I'm at right now. It's called "I miss the Mountains"

There was a time when I flew higher,
Was a time the wild girl running free would be me
Now I see her, feel the fire
Now I know she needs me there to share
I'm nowhere

All these blank and tranquil years
Seems they've dried up all my tears
And while she runs free and fast
Seems my wild days are past

But I miss the mountains
I miss the dizzy heights
All the manic magic days
And the dark depressing nights
I miss the mountains
I miss the highs and lows
All the climbing, all the falling
All the while the wild wind blows
Stinging you with snow
And soaking you with rain
I miss the mountains
I miss the pain

Mountains make you crazy
Here it's safe and sound
My mind is somewhere hazy
My feet are on the ground
Everything is balanced here
And on an even keel
Everything is perfect
Nothing's real
Nothing's real

And I miss the mountains
I miss lowly climb
Wandering through the wilderness
And spending all my time
Where the air is clear and cuts you like a knife
I miss the mountains
I, I miss the mountains
I miss my life
I miss my life


Of course this is sung by a lost mother who can't seem to let go of her dead son, but I think I can relate very well to the lyrics besides that context.

I miss the mountains. Fresh air, wild dreams and taking chances not knowing the outcomes... I miss my life.

Apps for All!

So I have a new guilty obsession....

and it's called Godfinger.

My boyfriend just recently updated apps on my Ipod (which I used to only use for music/notes)I have to say I'm liking these free "apps", especially this free game called Godfinger. Basically you get to play "God" in the Jim Kerry sense so that you have your own planet and can grow plants and build homes and make it rain and lightning...you know the whole book of Genesis.

Think of it as a larger scale Tamagotchi. Neat/slightly paradoxical....my username is BKglory! hahaha... try it!

So going over my last post I realize that's a very LONG list of goals to accomplish... not bad to make/have but kind of overwhelming to try and get any of it done. SO I've decided to focus on one of those goals and maybe the rest will just follow suit.

I'm going to write a children's book/play.

Now I've never been the best writer or idealist, but I did play every ridiculous Children's Theatre Character known to man in College...think that counts for something no?

Oh now I'm nostalgic of those TYA days...




Anywoo... will keep you updated on the progress... I figure if I give myself a small goal of a paragraph/idea per week I'll be golden :) haha There's no rush!

Until then my fellow bloggers!

Happy You still don't know what You're doing Anniversary!!

So I thought given it's been a year since I graduated College and I'm no where near where I would like to be...I'd write out some goals for myself.

For those of you who don't know me, I went to school for Theatre and got my BA after 4 years only to do nothing with it come a year later. I've seen first hand what it's like living as the "starving artist" and I can honestly say it's not for me.

The truth is I have no idea what I want to do with my life right now...I have a lot of ideas but they're scattered at best. Since graduation I've worked 3 different jobs.

First and only theatre gig: Temp-Hire Stage Hand/Costume Assistant at Gala Hispanic Theatre in DC
Second kill my feet and soul job: Lowe's Cashier and Customer Service Rep
Last but not least: Receptionist extraordinaire for an Online Campaigns and PAC Services agency...

All of which I've been very grateful to have given the current status of our economy. However, some days are harder than others to appreciate this job security. I'm happy financially with this job but oh dear I was never meant to sit behind a desk and stare at a computer screen 10 hours a day....oyh.

So to give myself a little boost here are things I dream about, look forward to, and wish to accomplish one day:

~Open up my own Cafe and thrifty store, where I can display and sale artwork of my own and friends, serve beautiful pastries and treats, host open mic nights and variety singing cabarets... dreaming...
~Road trip down to FL to see good friends, family, Mickey Mouse and possibly Harry Potter with my boyfriend :)....happening June 2010!!
~Have a hair cut I actually enjoy and feel confident in
~Obtain decent paying with benefits creative ministry job
~Pay off my Credit Card
~Win lottery and pay off all of my family and close friend's debt
~Take Seth to Europe :)
~Take Seth to Europe ie Stuttgart Germany during Weihnachten
~Audition for and get into a "real world" play...le sigh
~Go back to school to study....long list begins here.
~Have my own Cooking show!!
~Paint a mural
~Go to Greece and jump off a rock into the blue blue Mediterranean
~Go skiing this next winter
~Sew a dress for myself and wear it proudly :)
~Move out and into own cute apartment
~Read the Bible cover to cover (always on a list for sure, but I seriously never have)
~Take dance classes!!!! and no Zoomba does not count...
~Actually put together Scrapbook albums...
~Finish the books on my "To-Read" list
~Go to Niagara Falls
~OH!! Find a REAL RIVER MONSTER!!! (ps I'm obsessed with this show on Animal Planet, re-runs all-day Sundays :)
~Write a children's book or play
~Be in another film I can be proud of
~Study yoga more and be a private instructor
~Go on a Missions trip to a 3rd world country....desperately want to do this.

I'm sure the list could go on and on but that's that for now!

Understanding? or Watching a train wreck?

I recently read an article in the Washington Post titled "Understanding the hoard mentality". It's basically a book review for a book called Stuff. I was immediately intrigued because I sometimes watch the TLC show Hoarders.

I must say I was kind of disappointed in the review. The writer focuses the article on "understanding" that this extreme habit is a medical condition, of which I agree. It's a disorder that can not simply be treated with a talented organizer. Her reaction to this book, which is basically an account of multiple extreme hoarding cases in America, is one of repentance?

She begins to apologize to those people in her life that have this condition and wants the reader to sympathize too and do the same. Then she tries to make it political (Thank you Washington Post) and throws a feminist twist on it complaining about how there is a sexist bias to this disorder where people naturally associate this condition with Women....even though the book clearly accounts equally on both Women and Men living with this disorder.

....Thank you for throwing in your opinion that has nothing to do with the book...hmm....so you want us to sympathize with these people, who may be our friends and family or co-workers and apologize to them for judging their uncouth ways? I get it...I agree...but then what? We don't want the near and dear to continue living with this condition do we? Aren't we just isolating them more? We should acknowledge that their way of life is alright? I don't agree with this one bit.

In fact, if you watch the reality shows on TV that account of people living with this condition and read the stories in the book you can see that many of these people live alone, or in the middle of a divorce. Their families abandon them because of this disorder... This breaks my heart. Yes we need to acknowledge that this isn't just a lazy neighbor who doesn't feel like cleaning, but Hoarding is an actual disorder. These people need our encouragement yes, but to get HELP. To CHANGE their way of life. WE need to be there for THEM.

How is it okay to just acknowledge that they have a disorder and live with the mindset that this is just how they have to live? Isn't that like giving up? Where is the hope in humanity anymore? I'm not saying I have the cure-all but abandoning these people and isolating them into another "group" is like adding another pile onto their already cluttered kitchen table.

I wish the writer would've gone a step further and encouraged action. What can we do to help? In my personal opinion, I don't think simply acknowledging and labeling the issue is enough. In fact it's a set-back.

Thoughts?

News bites...

This just in....Corporate Punishment (aka Paddeling or Spanking)to be brought back in a TX high school??


wtf? Sorry but lately I'm annoyed with retardo school administrations...yes I'm talking to you South Hadely High MA.